“Time is an illusion, Lunchtime doubly so…”

8 11 2011

The above quote was something I found on one of my usual internet trawls that started as a valid search but tend to go off on random tangents. The comes from Douglas Adams who most people will have known for being the author of The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy.

Tonight I really wanted to write about time. Somewhat ironically considering that its 3:03am as I write this.

I sorta look back at certain events in my life, and think would the kid who I was 5 or 10 years ago, really be happy with the man who I am today? I use man in the loosest sense of the word, I’m still a kid at heart. But I remember when I was 15. My world primarily consisted of trying to fit in at school, trying not to fit in at home and video games. For most kids, I imagine they’d already started having a beer or two around this age at house parties that would get thrown. I think I’m right in saying that there were one of two parties I remember as my first house party and both of them place me at 17 years old. First time drinking too at those parties. I drank beer, hated it. Stuck to spirits for years afterwards. But I digress. At 15 all I wanted to do was fit in, but my lack of social awareness back then was so incredibly out of phase with my environment I thought that it was acceptable to say that when I grew up, I wanted to be an assassin. Blame the late night action flicks and lack of curfew from when I was younger that glamorised violence for me. Something that I think to this day attributed to my inability to sleep at regular hours. But all I wanted to do back in those days was get home from school and pick up the control pad so I could carry on with whatever game I was playing from the night before. Maybe try to squeeze out the homework assignments in-between breaks. And that was fine for me at that age, I got by. Small group of friends, didn’t really go out much. Dad had this idea associating with non-muslim white people (e.g. – everyone I know!) outside of necessary times (e.g. – anywhere other than school!) would ultimately harm my chances at getting into heaven. Try wrinkling that in your brain at 15 years old. So I stuck with it and the laughable indoctrination I was subject to because, quite frankly, I didn’t know any better.

Skip ahead a year and I’m in college. And I have a major culture shock. To some degree, the school I went to was fairly sheltered from the world, college opened up an infinite number of different personalities and behavioural types to contend with. And for the first few weeks on my course I was miserable. I only knew one other guy from my school that was on the same course as me, despite the majority of the people I knew from school going to the same college. I did not fit in, lunch times were lonely, bus rides to and from college were tolerated with thinly veiled contempt. It wasn’t until close to Xmas that same year that I began hanging out in the classroom next to mine, where a girl I knew from school did her BTEC in Fashion. I started to hang out with her and her course mates more and more and I found I just got on better with girls than I ever would with guys. No machismo, nothing to prove, I could just have a conversation. I became more comfortable in my own skin over the rest of that year. Had my first college crush on a girl, didn’t end well but hey ho, lol, I was a kid with no game. People who had been acquaintances throughout school, were now friends in college. A sense of belonging. It was around the beginning of my second year that I actually began to give serious thought to what id like to do as a career. Having done drama at school and media at college, I preferred the latter and filmmaking seemed the way to go. That woulda been around 7 years ago.

If someone had told me, that 7 years from then, I would be looking for acting work and practising as a magician as well, I think it probably would have put me on the path I am now a lot sooner. and in some ways I wish someone had. I could have saved so much time not arseing about with things that ultimately wasted my time. The 2 year BTEC at college I did in Graphic Design would have been much better suited maybe looking at a drama college or even the BTEC in drama at the same college.

Nowadays I wish I had the luxury of time that I had when I was 15. Nothing to do but video games and homework. Life has a certain irony to it though, 10 years ago I had all the time in the world and all I did was play video games. 10 years on, the amount of time I have free hasn’t really changed on a day to day basis but I barely find time to play those same video games and keep up with everything else going on. admittedly they are all indulgent pursuits with the exception of some reading material I’ve picked up for drama school but where do we find the time to do anything anymore. it really does fascinate at home much more productive I could have been. situation as it is now though is I try not to worry about what could have been. Time is something I’dlike to enjoy so I try and spread it as thickly as possible. outwardly that might seem quite lazy lol, inwardly though I don’t feel rushed.

And that’s a nice feeling to have at any time of the day :-)

Kal

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