The Importance of Being an Asshole by Kalam Abul

1 10 2011

Tonights post will be a shortish one due to me being a little worse for the wear. Caught the flu off a friend of mine after staying with him for the last week.

Two things:

1). Allow me to explain the title of tonights post first. I am going to attempt with all my blog posts to attempt to have some form of link back to film, TV or theatre as they are my favourite forms of media with Video Games and books coming into a close second. That having been said let’s move on with why I chose this particular title.

2). The eagle-eyed among will have no doubt realised this is a play (No pun intended) on the title of The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde.  The reason for choosing such a title will become clear.

“Nice Guys Finish Last”

A phrase I’m sure we’ve all heard and are familiar with to a degree. My own experience of the phrase coming in the form of Jim Carrey in The Mask as Stanley Ipkiss, the banker who wrote to a magazine with the article was entitled in the same catchphrase. I never really gave it much thought until I hit my late teen years when I became much more aware of the opposite sex and all the shenanigans of which I’ll spare you the details of my debauchery.

Now to touch on something for a little back story, let’s go back to my father. I think I’ve established in my previous post (The Opening Number) that he wasn’t exactly the greatest father. One of his biggest downfall in my eyes was his lack of education to me about the fairer sex. The “birds and bees talk” wasn’t something I was familiar with or even aware of until my late college years by which point American Sitcoms and the internet had provided me with sufficient enough knowledge to be able to keep up with the conversations with friends when it turned to such matters. What these things didn’t cover however was how to get to the “birds and bees” part. Lets fast forward to my first year of university. You have a socially awkward teen whose just decided to against the teachings he’s been brought up with throughout his entire life and you have potentially a recipe for an excellent Channel 4 Documentary or an E4 sitcom. Neither was the case for me.

Through an incredibly LONG  and sometimes painful process of trial and error I began to understand how to talk to girls without becoming a blubbering mess and in time, sleep with them. Alcohol playing no small part in this entire scenario. As time went on however and I became more adept at my extra curricular activities it dawned on me, and I’m ashamed to say at that point in my life, women had become very a disposable fancy for me to the point where looking at it retrospectively I wasn’t actually a very nice person, in fact I was a bit of a downright dick! I decided then and there that I should mend the error of my ways and endeavour to find a serious girlfriend or relationship as I didn’t particularly like the person I’d become. After numerous dates and failed attempts at any kid of meaningful connection I was still single and no closer to having what could be referred to as a girlfriend. As a side note, since then I have had 2 meaningful relationships….sort of. More on that in the future!

So what was it that changed between the “getting laid regularly Kalam” and the “treats women nicer and single Kalam”? And this brings me to my main point today.

I had a conversation with a friend recently where he told me about a work colleague of his, who on a night out professed to him that she was attracted to mean guys. Now she has a boyfriend and my friend has met him. According to him, said work colleague and her boyfriend had a good banter back and forth but hardly what you’d call being mean to each other. My friend is possibly the most harmless guy you’ll ever meet, a bit naive sometimes but he’s generally what you’d refer to as a “Nice Guy.” So on this night out, she’s had a few drinks and she tells him that there’s another guy in their office that she gets turned on by because for lack of a better phrase, he treats her like crap, but her brain tells her that she should want to sleep with my friend because he’s the more attractive of the two but she wont because he’s “too” nice. So they carry on drinking and she says that she’s going to tutor my friend to be mean so that’ll he’ll become more the kinda guy that she wants to sleep with. This takes place over the next hour and the save you time the punchline is they end up kissing. (I have warned him against the dangers of getting involved with someone already involved and someone he works with too, sticky situation to say the least)

Let’s just have a look at what happened there, he started acting like an asshole and voila! Instant results. Whose to say if he hadn’t continued more wouldn’t have happened. And maybe that’s what it is at the end of the day. Sometimes you have to be an asshole. Nice guys do finish last, and I have no doubt if there wasn’t alcohol involved that night he probably would have shied away from the whole thing, but as it is, he didn’t and now has a slight insight into the female psyche. That’s not to say all women are like that, but maybe that’s the same reason for my success let’s sat those years ago.

Women don’t necessarily like “bad boys” but they do like men who challenge them. The difficulty is striking the right balance between not being a complete dick and not being a complete pushover. The double life that we all lead with different relationships that we cultivate, as you’d never speak to your mother or your sister with the same banter style conversation you would to an attractive woman in a bar, yet using some of those same conversational skills might help you get that raise or promotion at work.

In some small way aren’t we all an Earnest and Jack Worthing?

Just something that’s been knocking around in my brain for ages and I’m sure some of this many of will be familiar with already.

Just something to think about :-)

Till next time

Kal x

PS – So much for being a shortish one :-P lol

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